Smartphones – Are They Dumbing Down our Relationships?
Some years ago I read an article in the New York Times about how children are becoming increasingly frustrated with how much attention their parents are paying to their tech devices and not to them. The article opened with a little boy and his mother in an elevator. She was checking her email on her phone and he was trying to ask her a question. He kept saying “Mama, Mama.” She kept saying “in a minute”. This played out for a few rounds and then, in a scene of utter defeat, the little boy yelled “Aaaahhhhhg” and bit her on the leg.
Yes, that happened several years ago and yes, I’ve been thinking about it off and on ever since. I think about it in the grocery store when I see a mom talking on her phone and her child either bored to tears walking next to her or riding in the cart with all the bread, milk, and toilet paper. I think about it on the beach when I see parents taking a picture of their child jumping in the waves instead of getting up out of their chairs and getting wet with them. I think about it when I see parents in restaurants looking at their phones instead of having a conversation with their kids. And I think about it when I catch myself checking my messages while my husband’s trying to tell me about something that happened at work.
Now this isn’t to say phones are bad, because they aren’t. We wouldn’t get half done what we do without them. But, and I’ll be the first to admit it, it’s a little too easy to pick up that phone, isn’t it? And it’s immediate – no waiting. And it makes us feel a little important, like we need to take care of this NOW. And we’ve become oh so tech-savvy – how smart are we! And, if we’re really telling the truth here, it can be a little addictive, too, can’t it?
But the more I think about it all, the more I think we might be letting that technology interfere – and dilute –our most-important relationships.
Have you heard of Sherry Turkle? She’s a Professor at MIT and she’s written a number of insightful and thought-provoking books over the years about people and their technology. Her latest one is Alone Together and it’s all about how isolated and relationship-deprived we’re letting our technology make us. She interviewed hundreds of children and teens and her findings show that kids of all ages want their parents’ attention more than anything else in the whole wide world. They want to have conversations to share ideas and questions, and especially to share experiences with their parents. Sadly, however, they tell Ms. Turkle that technology seems to be taking priority over authentic face-to-face time.
So, what can we do about this? None of us is going to throw way our smart phone. Nor should we. But maybe we could start with a few tech-free zones. Like the dinner table. Or the car. Or the grocery store. (Substitute mall, post office, doctor’s office, anything you want.) And let’s start small. That way we can see what works best.
How about if I go first? Tonight, when I have dinner with my husband I’m going to put our phones in another room and close the door so we can’t hear them. Hopefully we‘ll have a nice uninterrupted conversation – focused on just ourselves and what we did today.
What about you? What can you do to add a little more attention and, in the process, “smarten up” your relationships?
The Ground Has Gotten Pretty Shallow in Places
As Thanksgiving fast approaches, it seems like a good time to talk about what we’re thankful for. No, don’t go away. I don’t want to talk about the usual things that we don’t need reminding about. I want to talk about something we do to be reminded of. Common ground.
Common ground means the place where you and I meet in our conversation, or our work, or our problem solving. It’s the place in the middle of a Venn diagram. It’s the place where, if we can’t find it, means we aren’t going to achieve much together.
With so many people yelling at one another in media channels these days, I’m worried that we’ll lose sight of the one concept that we really can’t do without, at least if we want to do good or make some progress. When we yell, we aren’t listening. When we aren’t listening, we don’t gain knowledge about the other person or the other side.
We talked about listening last week, and all we said there still goes, but I’d like to use a little different perspective and say that we need to listen before we can know another person and before we can ever hope to find a meeting place. That’s because common ground isn’t always obvious. In fact, it’s often hidden underneath a lot of words that have nothing to do with it at all.
Let’s say you and I start to talk and we exchange comments about the weather, our kids, and the movies we watched last night. We walk away thinking we “know” a lot about each other. I know how many kids you have, their ages, and where they go to school. I might also know what they like and don’t like. If you tell me what you think about the weather, I might know that you like it hot or would rather be snow boarding more than anything else. But, with all that, I don’t have any idea if you and I have a common place where we might share ideas about current events, climate change, or the school referendum.
I’m not suggesting for a minute that there is no value in friendly exchange, but I am positing that we might be missing out on a lot if we think we “know” another person because of those friendly exchanges. I’m worried that my students think that the hundreds of “friends” they have on social media are really friends. I’m worried that they think they can trust those hundreds with important or private ideas. I’m worried that they don’t realize the difference between having someone who knows them enough to be authentically supportive for the right reasons. I’m worried that they might not feel the energy, the confidence, and the assurance that comes from common ground, The energy and confidence required to make good decisions and solve difficult problems.
Again, we come to how important it is to be a model for our children. They need to see us working with others on hard problems or on committees dedicated to ideas we value. They need to see us really listening to them, and to the people close to us. They need to see us dig more deeply into ideas. All so our children grow up looking for that Common Ground.
Be Care-Full
How many times a day do we parents tell our children to “be careful?” We tell them when they leave the house, when they start to drive, when they go off to adulthood, and a million times in between. I’ve been thinking about that a lot, lately, and what exactly do we mean by “be careful.” I think we are just trying to help them remember to keep themselves safe.
As I thought about all that, it occurred to me that saying “be careful” might mean something else that is also important. These days it seems as if a lot of people aren’t being very careful about their words or their actions. You can’t read the news without coming across disgruntled writers going on about a person or idea that makes them upset. The upset part doesn’t bother me, but their rhetoric does. Things are so divisive in the United States right now and I believe much of it has to do with how we are talking to each other. In fact, it seems as if we are doing a lot of shouting and very little listening. The other side (whatever that is) is always wrong and our side is always right.
Is that how we’re bringing up our children? That life is a zero-sum game? Or are we trying to raise adults that understand the importance of listening to the other side, of trying to find some common ground, so that problems can be solved, and decisions made.
I’m not advocating that we stop saying “be careful.” I am, however, suggesting that we also incorporate a little more into those two little words. I’m also suggesting that one way to help our children be more careful with their words and their attitudes is to model that in our families. Our children won’t think others’ ideas are important if no one thinks theirs are. We need to actively listen when our children bring up ideas and questions.
Active listening means we aren’t doing anything else while they are talking. It means we look them full-on and give them our full attention. This sends the message that what they are thinking about is important (if only to them) and that we want them to share with us. Not only does this model good listening, but it also makes them feel comfortable enough to ask questions and to open up conversations that they might otherwise keep to themselves. Or that they might share with peers or other adults. Wouldn’t we rather they start with us? Starting with us happens when they believe they have a voice and that we are happy to hear it.
Some weeks ago I copied a quote from where I don’t remember, but it hangs on the wall above my desk. I thought this might be a good time to share it. I hope it resonates with you as it has with me.
“If you’re not listening to the kid, then you shouldn’t be talking to him.”
Let’s Not Lose the Big Picture
My World History students are learning so much these days and I’m so very proud of them. We are exploring World History “in reverse.” We began with current events and their causes and are making our way backwards. This has moved us through the World Wars and all the upheaval of the last century. As a result, there have been times when the students have talked about how awful the world seems now and in the past. I am committed to their being able to maintain a positive outlook for humanity, so we also take time to talk about all the “good” stuff that happens as well.
As I gave that some thought this week, it occurs to me that we could all use a recap of the “good” stuff. So, out of format, here goes – my list of the things that we need to keep top of mind when we start to despair.
Children – their smiles and their curiosity
The United Nations – trying hard to keep the peace
Doctors Without Borders – healing people without politics
Service workers – trying to “serve” us when there are too many of us and not enough of them
Trees – providing us oxygen everyday
Friends – the real kind who support us and listen to our fears and dreams
Maps – a great way to keep track
Stars – reminding us to be humble
Birds – songs are important
People who make music –for our emotional well-being
Poetry – right up there with music
Flowers – living art
Art – creativity on display
Parents – hardest-working among us
Teachers – second to parents
Books – a world in our hands
Ice Cream – smiles
Wishes – help us focus on the “good”
My wish for you is more wishes.
It Seems Like There’s a Short Supply, the Rolling Stones Notwithstanding
I’m talking here about leaders. If you picked up a newspaper (sorry, if you looked at the news online or on TV) it seems we are in dire need of a few leaders. I’ll be honest. I’m talking about the current House of Representatives. You know, the one that has brought the government to a standstill for almost three weeks now. And before you think I’m writing about politics here, I’m not. I’m writing about a group of people (and I really don’t care what side they’re on) that were elected to do a job and can’t seem to follow through on that agreement.
What does this have to do with my being an educator? I believe we have to do a better job of raising up and educating our citizens. Not just so they’ll go to Washington and be a Representative in Congress. So they’ll approach their lives with the confidence to figure out what their responsibilities are and then follow through with them. And that takes a certain amount of leadership.
A lot of the mess in the House these days is the result of electing people who seem to take things very personally. Maybe they have a right to. Maybe they have been insulted or someone made a promise and then didn’t uphold it, or someone doesn’t have the same belief or value system. But is it alright to hold up the bigger need because of that?
Leaders don’t. Leaders think through the problem, identify the need, think about all the people affected, and then they inspire others to help them come up with solutions. They mostly do it in a logical, thoughtful way, without a lot of whining. (People don’t generally see whiners as leaders.) Leaders think about the greater need and see if they can come up with an idea/compromise that will bring that about. And true leaders don’t think about themselves first in the equation.
My focus is on how we raise our children and help our students become true leaders. I think we give them – as soon as possible – the opportunities to look at a problem, talk with them about it, help them sort through solutions, most importantly, with an eye to all the stakeholders. For instance, planning for a family vacation could include everyone’s ideas with gentle reminders that “we want all of us to have a good time,” which is the goal of the vacation in the first place.
Maybe we have family meetings on a regular basis to talk about things that affect all of us. Maybe we let everyone have a voice about where to go for dinner and then help everyone come to consensus. Any conversation that supports our children’s understanding that there’s more than just themselves in the room assists them in keeping a bigger picture in mind. It helps remind them they are part of making sure everyone helps solve the problem or makes the decisions. I believe this is how we grow leaders. We give them a lot of opportunity to practice.
Any chance for a child to offer a suggestion or a solution helps the child grow a confidence in using her voice. It provides him the understanding that his ideas matter in the context of the whole, and it helps everyone understand that in order to accomplish our goals “you can’t always get what you want, but if you try, you get what you need.”
What Are You Afraid of?
My Junior High class read a short story this week called “The Elevator.” It’s about a 12-year-old boy who is afraid to ride the elevator in his apartment building. The students liked the story because it’s a little creepy (in keeping with the theme of October) and it’s a cliffhanger so they were able to write their own endings.
One of the things about the story they weren’t very happy with, however, was the father’s reaction to the boy’s fear. He kept calling him a “coward” all the while urging him to “grow up.” He tells the boy “There’s nothing to be afraid of.” I have been thinking about that part ever since we read the story. I’ve been thinking about what a dumb thing it is to tell others “there’s nothing to be afraid of.” We are all afraid of something; we just try not to admit it. And if we were being honest, there’s a lot in the world and in our lives to be a little afraid of.
As for me, I’m afraid of snakes, the war in the Middle East, and that something bad will happen to my sons or my grandsons. (Truthfully, the list is a little longer than that, but we don’t need to add to the point.) The point is that we all have a list – including our children. Maybe especially our children. The thing is, we don’t always know what makes them afraid. Children don’t always tell us because they somehow think they shouldn’t be afraid.
And where do you think they get that idea? They get it from us. What we say and how we say it and what we do makes a big difference in how our children navigate their fears. There are times in my classroom when the students will bring up their own fears and I’m always careful in how I respond. It does no good to say “don’t be afraid.” It does, however, help to acknowledge the fear and its cause. Just having someone else accept their fears with respect seems to help.
I also think that part of parenting – and teaching sometimes – requires us to not only accept, but to think up ways to mitigate the fear. Recently, my older students have become fearful that the Middle East war could turn into something bigger, so we talk about that in class and we talk about how that probably won’t happen (notice the probably – that’s important) but if it did, how we could manage. It’s not helpful to just tell our children something they fear won’t hurt them. We need to help them work through the what if’s. We need to ride the elevator with them – as many times as it takes for them to feel powerful enough to ride it themselves. And that becomes a whole lot easier if we remember that, like our children, we have fears, too.
What are you afraid of?
The News – Our Children Want To Know
I was all set to write about reading this week, but global events have convinced me to talk with you about something else. Specifically, we should talk about how much news our children are exposed to and how best that should happen. The crisis in the Middle East consumed, and continues to consume, the majority of news channels today. While some are curtailing the showing of graphic images, others are not. So, the question becomes how do we ever raise globally-aware citizens without traumatizing them on the way.
The first is to make ourselves aware of what’s going on. I know, we are all very busy, and sometimes the issues on the other side of the world seem far enough away that we can overlook them. But the more connected to each other on this planet the more others’ issues will affect us, both emotionally as well as economically. We have to find a way to keep up with current events factually so we can translate what’s happening to our children in not-scary ways.
Our students here at The Island Academy are very curious about the world and often come to my classes on Monday morning asking about something that happened over the weekend. They ask questions and they get factual answers and as soon as they develop an understanding of the issues, they become more comfortable and confident. It’s the non-knowing that seems to bother them the most.
What that means for younger children is the need for us to filter the real-world. As parents, we teach about things like “stranger-danger” and “bad touch.” In doing so, we help them navigate the negative part of society. We need to do the same thing about the news. We need to tell them that things are happening that are “bad” to some people, but without the graphic details. We can show them on the map where certain countries are located and we can talk about how they haven’t agreed about some things and now, instead of talking about those things, they are fighting.
Younger children just need the basics: other people are fighting and we aren’t in any danger. Or other people are fighting and we might send them some things to help. If appropriate, this could also be a time when you send something to the Red Cross or other organizations.
As children mature, you can give a few more details and be ready to answer questions. It is also important to check facts before you talk with them. The main thing in all this is that children get much more scared when they get a feeling something is going on and they don’t know what it is. All our children will feel more secure if we answer their questions appropriately for their ages and assure them they are safe.
The last piece we all want to remember is that there are good people everywhere advocating for what’s best for us and the planet and who are always working toward those goals. Any discussion about current events needs to include the idea that people can always help and that as they grow, our children can too.
Teachers Stand With Aretha On This One
Much is being written these days that makes my heart hurt. Our country is suffering a severe teacher shortage with no end in sight. I say “no end” because the number of students in university education programs has also dropped. It seems no one wants to be a teacher.
In my reading I have learned that the teachers are leaving for different reasons. Some are leaving because they are constrained about what they can teach. For example, Florida has lost many teachers since it initiated laws that say teachers can’t teach certain aspects of United States history.
In other areas, teachers are leaving because they don’t feel safe in their schools. School shootings aren’t going away and the more the emphasis is on school safety with shooter drills and lockdown white boards, the more stress the teachers feel. Some teachers believe they need to look for a job with a lot less danger.
A third reason is the most important. It’s the lack of respect teachers feel from their administrations, their parents, and often, from their students. These teachers don’t talk about how much they make – or don’t make – but how much they don’t feel valued as professionals. The most important job next to doctors for our children and we can’t find it in ourselves to give them their due as careerists with college degrees, Master’s degrees, and certificates beyond.
How on earth did we get here?
Some people writing have suggested it started a little more than a decade ago and that it might be related to a time when people started to rail against politics and the government. Around the time of the 2009 recession when many people lost jobs, homes, and lifestyles, they started to equate “authority” with negative adjectives. Somehow, that thinking has translated to teachers and school systems. How many school board meetings have made it into the news lately with parents screaming at teachers and principals? Much of that is about topics being taught and books being banned. The question for all of that is “how does someone who hasn’t been educated and trained to be a teacher think she or he can do that job in an effective manner?”
The people who talk about summers off and short workdays have no idea how many teachers work all summer to supplement their incomes. As for short workdays, teachers create lesson plans, grade papers, and fill out enormous amounts of paperwork outside of class time. These people who complain about teachers wouldn’t think about disrespecting their doctors because they value their education and their experience. How is it that the people who are so very important for our children’s academic and social growth don’t command the same? How is it that the people we “trust” with our children for most of every weekday aren’t afforded the same care and support they expect teachers to give to their students? Doesn’t make much sense, does it?
What do you think?
I’d Like To Get To Know You
I’ve been thinking about pride this week. It’s probably because my High School students are reading To Kill a Mockingbird and they’ve been talking about the pride theme in the book. In case you may have forgotten, the book takes place during the Depression in a small town in Alabama. Although a trial is the main focus of the book, my students have also been talking about how the poorest people in the town have a certain pride about them. That they are doing the best they can for their families, whatever that may be, and they hold themselves straight up in that pride.
My students call it pride. The more I think about it, the more I want to call it something else. I want to call it Responsibility – with a capital R. In these times, it seems like many people are blaming others for their plights. And I’ll be the first to agree that sometimes that may be the case. But even if it is the case, maybe we need to work with what we have at hand and do what we can for ourselves before we look to others.
Now, please don’t misunderstand. I’m not implying we don’t accept help when we need it; I’m not implying that we don’t extend a hand when someone is in need. I am saying that we should do what we can to solve our problems before we look to someone else. And that means our employers, our government, our families, or our friends.
More importantly, we need to model that approach with our children. Here at our school, we foster responsibility for our work, students as well as teachers. The students know what they need to do and when they need it done. As a result, they are expecting the same from the people around them. And we do our best to provide that for them.
So, I’m thinking everything might work a little bit better if we all carried ourselves with the pride of doing all that we can when we can. Just imagine. Government working a little better instead of all the backbiting. Businesses focused on their customers a little more. Schools focused on students a little more. Could it be as simple as changing the look from inside ourselves to outside?
My students also talked about something else. They talked about how we often label people (just as in To Kill A Mockingbird) as soon as we see or meet them, and that causes us to lose the opportunity to know them. Maybe it’s time we give the “knowing” part a little more effort, too?
What do you think?
Open Minds for One and All
I had the pleasure of dining with some friends over the weekend and since they are from Pittsburgh and I went to the University of Pittsburgh, we had some stories to tell. One of the things we talked about was how diverse the city was when I was there. It seemed to me that Pittsburgh was made up of little pockets of different ethnicities and I remembered marveling at how they all seemed to blend into one another.
Our conversation moved to The Island Academy and how we encourage the students to be curious about the world and to share their ideas with one another. My host then made a comment that I found very interesting. He offered that going to Pitt was good for me because I was able to experience so much diversity. What I took that to mean was that my experiences in Pittsburgh helped me to become a better teacher – to see my students as individuals with different backgrounds and different ideas.
Although I never thought of it before, I think he was right. If we grow up with differences all around us, they lose their scariness. We become able to open ourselves, to expand our curiosity to allow ourselves to learn about others, rather than stay on the sidelines of opportunity.
Diversity comes in many flavors, not just ethnicity or race, but in ideas also. In our current political scene, the divisions come from several places. One of them is ideas. We don’t seem to be able to listen to one another. Many of us just want to yell louder and maintain our position. There’s no room for curiosity or learning. Too many times our minds are closed rather than open.
Closed minds keep us from a lot. And when we talk about students, it’s the most important thing we must overcome in the classroom. Closed minds show themselves in comments like “I’m not good at math,” “I don’t like to read,” and “I can’t play sports.” They show themselves when students are unable to discuss ideas; when they are asked why they hold a certain opinion, they answer, ” I don’t know, I just do.” Closed minds don’t ever foster learning.
There’s another way closed minds get in our way. They prevent us from remembering that we all come from different places, different families, different experiences. Those closed minds also make it easy to label people, to make statements about how other people should be or act, to be less compassionate. Closed minds make us less than.
Helping our children develop curious, open minds begins with modeling. We need to be comfortable with saying “I don’t know” or “I have no idea.” We have to be able to say, “Let’s look it up” or, if possible and better yet, “Let’s go see.”
By trying to keep ourselves open to new advances in science, new foods, new solutions to problems, we have a better shot at success. If we try a more thoughtful approach in our lives, when we encounter new ideas, we won’t be afraid to open our minds. The wider the better.
My time in Pittsburgh gave me many new insights into myself, but just as importantly, to the world. I want so much for our students to experience the same and I believe it starts with an open mind.
Keep Pace or Keep Out
Columbia University Teachers College recently announced the dissolution of Lucy Calkins’ Reading and Writing Project. Now this may not mean much to you unless you happen to be a Reading Specialist, but for more than four decades Lucy Calkins and her group at Columbia were some of the premier agents in reading education. Her curriculum was adopted by many school systems across our country, with her group providing the training and tools to support it, all from her base at Columbia.
Throughout recent years, however, some reading experts have questioned Lucy Calkins’ approach. They claim she hasn’t incorporated brain science, specifically how it relates to learning to read, into her work. “In a 2022 interview with the New York Times, she said that for many years, she was fully immersed in grade-school classrooms and had not focused on cognitive science research. ‘I don’t think that I thought about an M.R.I. machine as part of how you get to know a reader,’ she said.” The result is that Teachers College has decided to diversify its approach to reading to include several lenses, including cognitive science and linguistics, as well as reading.
Now what has this got to do with us and The Island Academy, you may ask. When Teachers College decided they needed a more expansive look at teaching teachers how to teach reading, they were deciding that they need to use more lenses to get the job done. They were clear to acknowledge the work of Lucy Calkins, but they also recognized that Idea Change comes fast and furiously these days, and not the least because of all the new advancements in every discipline. We here at The Island Academy recognize that as well. Through our emphasis on competency and mastery, we send the message every day that there’s always more to know, more to learn about.
Additionally, we live in times when some around us think it’s important to learn something and then take a stance about it. Or worse, to learn very little about something and then take a stance about it. This is how we find our country in the throes of book banning and CRT arguments. And we’re missing the bigger picture. Ideas are what move us forward. Ideas are what drives creativity, invention, and innovation. Ideas are what our students need way more than any tool we can give them. Once they have those and know about the importance of having their ideas, we can then, and only then, help them to question, challenge, and add to those ideas.
The Island Academy of Hilton Head is committed to open minds. We are committed to looking at ideas through a variety of lenses; everything we study is connected to something else. If we can’t see that, we will be marginalized as society moves ahead without us. If we don’t keep pace, we will be left behind. Growing ideas is the best way to become those lifelong learners everybody talks about.
So, what can you do to help your children discover more lenses? A good start is to model asking the “how” and “why” more than the “who, what, and where” questions. Become explorers with your children. Learn together, question together, and celebrate the growing of Ideas. It is the most important tool they need as they make their way.
Think Tank for Kids
Hello Everyone and Welcome to the New School Year!
Not counting the hurricane we have had two weeks of school already and I'm just amazed at everything the students have already accomplished. They have been engaged and enthusiastic about learning and all of us here believe this will be the best year ever.
Over the summer I had the pleasure to see some family and old friends I don’t get to visit with that often. They asked about our school and, of course, I expounded about all the learning the students do here. During one of my conversations, an insight was shared with me that made me so proud that I want to share it with you. One of my friends suggested that we should advertise the fact that we actually have a Think Tank for Kids in our school. I hope you’ll agree that’s exactly what we have!
From our learning-centered curriculum to our twice-yearly exhibitions, our students analyze and synthesize information, ask questions, make presentations, read and write, and generally practice every mode of thinking imaginably. In that process of idea-sharing, they expand their knowledge even further through listening and exploring concepts with each other. How proud we should all be – you included.
I include you because you are the driving force here – literally and figuratively. As parents and guardians, you make sure they get that ride to school and then you do all you can to help them engage and grow. It occurs to me you do this in many ways. You always seem so interested in what they do here at school and you enthuse over their work when they show it to you. You attend their presentations and performances and support their writing and art efforts. And you encourage their questions. Most importantly, and you have heard me say this so many times, you listen to your children and that’s the most important gift you can give them.
I know this because you ask me how they’re doing. You ask me at pick up and drop off “how are things going?” or tell me how much “she talks all the time about school” at home. That says you are having conversations with your children and, in addition to making them feel like their ideas are worthwhile, you are helping them learn how to converse – how to listen, how to let the other person take their time getting their words out, and how to ask questions appropriately. This is the platform for thinking. This is the way we process our ideas – through talking and writing about them. So, thank you for making our efforts easier. Thank you for celebrating your children’s ideas. And thank you for supporting them in their learning journey. We see you and we appreciate you.
Here and Now
Tis the season. “What season?” you may ask. It’s the end of the school year and many educators and experts are talking and writing about the state of public education. The consensus is that it’s broken. That comes as no surprise, since even before covid, many educators as well as parents were expressing the same opinion.
Interestingly, over the past week two different parents (no relation to each other) mentioned to me that their elementary-age children had just finished three weeks of standardized testing and that the last two weeks of school would be “fooling around” time. (Both parents used the same phrase – fooling around.)
I’ve been thinking about this ever since I heard it. At our school, the students are still doing projects, using the information they have amassed to connect ideas and knowledge across subjects. The high schoolers are finishing up their 12-page papers and their 5-page papers as well as making presentations to other classes. We call May our Mastery Month and that is what happens here. We tie everything together and share what we have learned – ideas, themes, information, statistics, and skills.
What we do isn’t rocket science – it’s just common sense. If so many students (as the experts point out) came back to school after covid vastly behind in their learning, why would we spend the last five weeks of school not getting them ready for the next year? One recent study said that it would take many students four years to make up for the remote non-learning of covid. Think about that.
My frustration and concern about these statistics aren’t about the students in our school. We were open for face-to-face learning all through covid and, as a result, our students are on track and in many cases, accelerated in their subject matter understanding. What makes me want to cry are all the young children who will spend the rest of their school years trying to catch up. I want so much to bring them to our school with our small class sizes and give them a chance to experience educational success. But sadly, we are a nonprofit and do not have unlimited funds. What we do have here are dedicated teachers with big caring hearts who want more than anything to make a difference. So, I’m asking – right here and right now – if you share our concern, please go to the link HERE click donate, scroll down to the Scholarship Fund in the drop down menu, and donate whatever you can. Better yet, if you, or someone you know, would like to replicate the Island Academy and provide better approaches to education, please get in touch with me. We are happy to help you.
Together we can provide an alternative to this broken public system of education – but it has to be a joint effort. Please join us. For the children.
Work is Not a Four-Letter Word
I really need your help about something. Over the many years I’ve been teaching, my students have always been some of the smartest, kindest, most want-to-do-the-right-thing people I’ve ever met. Lately, however, I’ve seen an attitude that causes me much concern. (Before we continue, I have a disclaimer. What I’m about to say does not apply to all my students, just enough to make me worry.)
Too many times my students seem to be equating the word “work” with something to be avoided like the proverbial plague. I guess I own some of this because I refer to their efforts as work, as in schoolwork, research work, artwork, presentation work. I do that because I want them to understand that everything they do that helps their learning is important. To continue the metaphor, school is their job and when they come to their jobs, we hope they will do good work. Simple, or so I thought.
What concerns me is that what seems to be most important to my students is how fast they can get something done instead of “look how much I’ve learned about this” or “wow – I didn’t know that before.” Somewhere along the line, we have let our children become disenchanted with the process of discovery and exploration. We adults have taken away the curiosity, the excitement of “finding out” the whys and wherefores all the world has to offer.
How could this have happened? Well, in a large sense, our society seems to be focused on leisure time and how much we can get of it for our leisure activities. We seem to have moved from talking about our jobs as something which we are proud to be participating in, to something we resent taking up our time. Think about the past week. How many times have we heard someone (maybe ourselves?) say “my job is just too stressful right now,” “my boss doesn’t appreciate all I do at work,” “I put in all this time, and I’m underpaid.” When’s the last time you heard someone say, “I love my work and I wouldn’t be doing anything else?” When’s the last time your children heard that?
We all know our children pay attention to what we talk about and we’ve all seen our children model our talk and our behavior. So, is it possible that this attitude they have developed regarding their “work” is something we might have contributed to? Is there a way to talk a little more about our accomplishments at work and our pride in them? Is there a way to talk to our children about how important their work really is to their learning? Maybe by asking questions about what they are “working on”? Maybe not saying so many times “is it Friday yet”? Positive attitudes are an important part of a person’s success and, for our children, I believe it can be priceless.
What do you think?
A Little More Appreciation, Please – It’s Needed Now More Than Ever
I had a whole other blog ready for today before I woke up to the fact that this is Teacher Appreciation Week, and if that’s not something we need to talk about, I don’t know what is.
As many of you know, I have the distinct pleasure and privilege to teach alongside an amazing group of teachers. They are dedicated, caring, and highly intelligent. They want the very best for each of their students and they spend hours helping them reach higher goals and find their better selves. So, if you know Mollie Kinard, Deiha Torin, Alicia Brown, Claudia Beard, Tiffany Hathaway, LouAnne Barrett, Melvin Small, Whitney Rolf, or Richard Sanders, please tell them how very much they are appreciated.
Having said all that, I think it is immensely important that we also talk about our country’s not-so-appreciated teachers. Those would be the ones in many of our nation’s public schools. We all know that a majority of the students in the United States attend public school and we also know that right now many of those schools are struggling for several reasons. Many are underfunded which means their classrooms are overcrowded. Thousands of teachers are leaving or have left their profession and don’t seem to be coming back. That means that the remaining teachers are “covering” classes they weren’t hired for. Standardized tests are the measuring stick not only for what a student might have learned but, in many cases, sets the bar for whether the teacher gets a raise or even keeps his job next year. Add to that, because of the curricula and approaches prevalent in traditional educational settings, teachers are limited in how they can even present and assess academic content. Sadly, in some cases, teachers are being told by non-educators what topics are not up for discussion inside their classrooms.
In addition, many of them “don’t really have the summers off” because that’s when they work to supplement their incomes. (The average starting salary for teachers in the United States is somewhere between $39,000 and $52,000.) Many teachers have second jobs during the school year also. Add that to the papers they grade, the lesson plans they prepare for approval before they can teach the unit, and the 25 or more children – all needing some kind of differentiated approach to learning – and you have, to say the least, a stressful situation. Nonetheless, thousands of teachers show up each day to do their best in less-than-ideal circumstances. I wish I had a magic wand and could make class sizes smaller for them, give them more autonomy in how they teach, and help their students’ parents see all the work they do. More than that, I wish I could help people see that teachers are professionals, that their expertise shows itself in the intellectual and emotional health of our children, much the way doctors care for their physical well-being.
So, this one week a year set aside for thinking about all that our country’s teachers do for us, maybe we can show them a little more appreciation. I imagine they could use it – now more than ever.
What do you think?
I have been carrying this column around with me for about ten years now. In fact, it provided much of the discussion about the why and the how when Jennifer and I started the Island Academy in 2015. With all the discourse and divisiveness about education, books, and theories making the rounds, I thought it might be a very good time to share it with our community. I know it’s a little longer than I usually post, but I think it’s worth a read. If you choose to read, I would love to know “what do you think?”
A School Isn't About Teaching Subjects, It's About Teaching Children
Frank Breslin
Posted: 08/28/2014
A school is a sacred place. It reveres every child as a being of infinite worth and dignity, whatever his or her ability.
A school is about teaching children the skills they need to prevail in a world that makes it difficult to keep one's bearings.
It is about helping them develop belief in themselves and instilling trust in their own judgment to think for themselves.
It is about having them discover and appreciate the different cultures of the past and present, with their different ways of viewing the world, their different beliefs and values, their different ways of being human; and that these cultures may be able to teach us important things about ourselves that we, in our blindness, might never discern.
It is about suggesting that these beliefs and values are different, not better or worse, but different from those of their own; and that they can only be understood within their own time and place, as later generations will hopefully judge us as we were given the light to live our lives according to the truth as we saw it.
A school is a sanctuary where children can be put in touch with their inner selves to lay the foundations for a richer, deeper, and more meaningful existence.
It is a place where they are encouraged to question their assumptions and discover that their truths may or may not be shared by others.
It is where they can discover that the world is a much bigger place than their little corner of it; realize that what is, need not necessarily be; and that things can be changed if they have the courage to do so.
A school is not about teaching subjects, but about teaching children subjects.
Therein lies the whole art of teaching, and everything else is dust and ashes.
A school takes students from wherever it finds them and moves them forward as far as it can.
It provides an education that is not about possessing the "answers," but understanding the magnitude of the questions.
It creates an environment in which education is not learning more and more arguments about why one is right, but rather attaining more detachment from oneself to see the world in a broader perspective.
It endeavors to train each student to think, read, and write critically in order to think for oneself, and not to be indoctrinated into the myths of one's tribe.
It is a place where a student can learn to become tolerant toward all points of view, not necessarily to accept them as one's own, but to understand why one in good faith might embrace them.
It enables a student to realize that if one had been born in a different time and place, of different parents of a different race, in a different social class of a different faith, and were of the opposite sex with a different kind of childhood, one would have a different view of oneself, the world, and the meaning of life; and that one's present outlook might simply be a matter of chance; and that one would have had another set of beliefs held with the same conviction as one does now; and that, realizing this, one might not want to judge or condemn others because they don't share one's views.
It teaches that questioning is the way to truth, not authority, obedience, conformity or blind acceptance; and that one ought never coerce the consent of another, for every conscience is as sacred as one's own.
A school is not about testing or teaching a child to test well, but rather uses test scores simply to help understand each individual child's needs and strengths, not equating a child's worth with those scores.
A school does not turn away children from its doors because they may test poorly because children are more important than tests, for tests exist for children, not children for tests.
Doing well on tests is not an education, but simply a skill in taking tests.
To make tests into a god is to abuse both them and the children they are meant to help.
Once upon a time, over the portals of the fabled Library of Alexandria, were chiseled in stone these words: "The Hospital for the Soul." This majestic phrase captured for all times the eternal dream of the pure and unfettered pursuit of knowledge and our need for quiet places like schools whither to repair to find the peace and repose in renewing the spirit.
Amidst the confusions of this distracted world, the Greeks never lost sight of the importance of thinking about the big questions of life, its ultimate meaning, and the need to develop to their utmost all of one's powers. We must not be misled by the obsessions of the moment, they warn us, for in turning a blind eye to the more important concerns of the spirit and of our humanity, we court our destruction and that of our children.
The school and all that it stands for are now under siege for its very existence. Greek Paideia, that noble dream of classical antiquity in the transformative power of education, the belief in the potential of self-enhancement through knowledge, the heroic single-mindedness in channeling the energies of youth toward the creation of an aware citizenry, this enduring legacy is struggling for survival in these dark times.
The 19th-century Swiss historian Jacob Burckhardt referred to an age of "terrible simplifiers" that would come to replace Western democracy. We are now in that age, with the school especially vulnerable in being taken over by this mentality.
The school offers an education that is too precious to be surrendered to those with no understanding of learning's ultimate meaning and value. They believe that its efficacy can somehow be measured in numbers, which, sadly, reveals more of these measurers than the unfathomable mystery of what they, in their hubris, would presume to measure.
The S Words
There was a news item over the weekend that I thought we should all talk about. Michele Borba, a parent coach, interviewed on CNBC, was asked what one thing that parents need to change these days. She said, without hesitation, that we parents need to lose our sad faces, our scowls, and our pessimism. (I put that last sentence in my own words for a reason. I’m hearing a lot of s words lately and I don’t think they’re doing us or our children much good. Hence this blog.)
Let’s start our chat with the first s word – sad. It goes right along with the pessimism that Ms. Borba was talking about, doesn’t it? Don’t get me wrong. There’s a lot to be pessimistic and sad about. But the real question is whether all that pessimism is helping us in any way. According to Ms. Borba, it isn’t. it’s hurting us and our children – and in a big way.
Here’s her thinking. When our children hear from the adults around them that the world is in a dark place – climate change, war, injustices, school shootings, problems with education, political issues – they start to believe that nothing will change and that nothing anyone does matters. They hear their parents say exactly that. They hear their parents say that there will always be bad people, bad events, bad problems. As a result of all the “badding,” and this is straight from Ms. Borba, our children lose hope - hope for change, hope for good, and hope that people can be successful problem solvers.
Once they think that, they often begin to shy away from trying anything challenging because “what’s the use?” which gets us right to the classroom. In other words, students who learn to carry a pessimistic view about other people and their ability to solve problems take on the same attitude about meeting challenges themselves.
Now that brings us to the second s word = scowl. Many people seem to be walking around a lot of the time with that worried look. Whether it’s a result of worrying about the state of the world, the neighborhood, or the family, the look is the same. And that look sure isn’t a joyous one. In fact, it looks like joy has left the building permanently. Children pick up on facial expressions very early on and use ours as a way to take the “temperature” of a situation. When they see us smile, the world is a happy place. When they see us scowl, not so much.
Then there’s a third s word that’s related to these other two. It’s heard a lot in my classrooms, and I’m determined to help our students stop using it. If I have any hope of succeeding, I need your help. I frequently hear “I’m so stressed, I’ll never get all this work done.” Now where do you think they got that idea? How many times a day do we say, “This is way too stressful, I’m so stressed,” “This, or you, is stressing me out.” Stress has become such a topic of conversation and anxiety that there are whole advertising campaigns built on our search for stress-free lives.
Now add this stress thing to a pessimism about the state of the world and what are we telling our children/students? We’re telling them that life in and of itself is a stressful and unhappy experience. But if we approach it only as that, and our issues, concerns, and problems with a pessimistic view, we’re kind of doomed to a terminally sad state. The people of the world have always had problems – big ones, little ones, all sizes. But those problems have always been solved by the optimistic, critically thinking, let’s-just-do-it people. Over time, they have been the ones that recognize that we better make some changes instead of thinking “we can’t possibly.”
So, how about you and I make an agreement? Let’s begin by tamping down the sadness and the pessimism with a more optimistic can-do attitude. In turn, we will be getting rid of some of the stress in our own lives, and, at the same time, giving our students the idea that they, too, can be problem solvers. And what if, while we’re solving said problems, we put on a smile? Can you just imagine? Our children might actually get the idea that it’s fun to problem solve and that they can make a difference. Can’t you just see it?
What do you think?
Read Any Good Books Lately?
Today I’d like to talk about the absolutely easiest way to help your child be more successful in every class she takes in school. It will even help her do well on the SAT test. I know, that’s way down the road, but later in this post I’ll explain why it’s important now.
Reading. There, that’s it. Oh, maybe I need to say more about it? Okay. Reading increases vocabulary (without having to study vocabulary words). Reading teaches us about people, places, ideas, problem solving, sequencing, events, cause and effect. It’s hands-down the best way to time travel, fight bad guys, try on new personas, learn about ourselves, and, lest we forget to mention, become better writers.
And get this. Studies reported in the Science section of The Independent show that reading a novel “causes biological changes in the brain which last for days.” The research was conducted at Emory University and showed that the heightened brain activity that occurred when reading a good book lasted for five days. Imagine what would happen if we read a little every day!
Now let’s get back to those SAT scores and writing. There are all kinds of studies that show a direct correlation between reading and growing our vocabularies – and a strong and large vocabulary is one of the best indicators of a good SAT score. More importantly, in all my experience as a teacher, the students who enjoy reading are always the best writers in the class. It almost seems that all that reading helps students learn the mechanics of writing by osmosis. Pretty cool, huh?
So, now that we’ve talked about how important reading is, let’s talk about how to get our kids to read. The first way is pretty obvious. We start when they’re babies with cloth books. We cuddle with our kids and read the books out loud to them and point to pictures and talk with them about what’s on the page. And we continue that way until they start to read books themselves. That’s when things start to get dicey. We’re busy, they’re proud they can read, and it becomes a little too easy to let them “do it by themselves.” However, if that’s what’s going on, we need to make a few adjustments.
When’s the last time your child saw you sit quietly with a book. When’s the last time you talked with your family about the book you’re reading? When’s the last time you read the same books your child is reading? And then talked with her about it? All these activities send the quiet message that books and reading are important and the whole family believes that and lives it.
Then there’s the public library. A library is like a museum of ideas, so what can we do to get our kids to see that? Maybe we need to make frequent visits. Check out more than the kids’ section or the young adult section. Look at an art book, or a book about music or architecture. Try them all. Every book counts.
Now for the deep weeds part. I’m just going to say this. I don’t like to see kids reading on a portable device. All books are not created equal – some are bigger than others, some have hundreds and thousands more words than others, and some deserve our attention because of the profound effort exhibited by the author. We need to help our kids become discriminating readers and if they grow up thinking all books are the same (on a portable device they only see one page at a time) then they will have a difficult time comparing one book to another. Don’t take my word for all this. Manoush Zomorodi, writer, podcaster, and journalist, researching digital vs. hard copy books has offered the following:
Digital technology has produced an ongoing fight within our brains. The more you read on screens, the more your mind shifts towards ‘non-linear’ reading—a practice that involves things like skimming a screen or having our eyes dart around a web page.
Linear reading, which is something we humans have developed over years and years, is what we need to do when want to do deep reading—like immerse ourselves in a novel or read a mortgage document. Dense text that we really want to understand requires deep reading, and on the internet, we don’t do that.
Recent research also shows us that reading an actual book requires the use of more than just looking. When we touch a book, when we hold it and become aware of its heft, when we run our fingers across the pictures, or when our tears from the sad parts blot the page, we are “all in.” It means we are using more of ourselves, thereby giving us back a more meaningful experience. Isn’t that what we want for our children – more meaning in their experiences?
What do you think?
