There was a news item over the weekend that I thought we should all talk about. Michele Borba, a parent coach, interviewed on CNBC, was asked what one thing that parents need to change these days. She said, without hesitation, that we parents need to lose our sad faces, our scowls, and our pessimism. (I put that last sentence in my own words for a reason. I’m hearing a lot of s words lately and I don’t think they’re doing us or our children much good. Hence this blog.)
Let’s start our chat with the first s word – sad. It goes right along with the pessimism that Ms. Borba was talking about, doesn’t it? Don’t get me wrong. There’s a lot to be pessimistic and sad about. But the real question is whether all that pessimism is helping us in any way. According to Ms. Borba, it isn’t. it’s hurting us and our children – and in a big way.
Here’s her thinking. When our children hear from the adults around them that the world is in a dark place – climate change, war, injustices, school shootings, problems with education, political issues – they start to believe that nothing will change and that nothing anyone does matters. They hear their parents say exactly that. They hear their parents say that there will always be bad people, bad events, bad problems. As a result of all the “badding,” and this is straight from Ms. Borba, our children lose hope - hope for change, hope for good, and hope that people can be successful problem solvers.
Once they think that, they often begin to shy away from trying anything challenging because “what’s the use?” which gets us right to the classroom. In other words, students who learn to carry a pessimistic view about other people and their ability to solve problems take on the same attitude about meeting challenges themselves.
Now that brings us to the second s word = scowl. Many people seem to be walking around a lot of the time with that worried look. Whether it’s a result of worrying about the state of the world, the neighborhood, or the family, the look is the same. And that look sure isn’t a joyous one. In fact, it looks like joy has left the building permanently. Children pick up on facial expressions very early on and use ours as a way to take the “temperature” of a situation. When they see us smile, the world is a happy place. When they see us scowl, not so much.
Then there’s a third s word that’s related to these other two. It’s heard a lot in my classrooms, and I’m determined to help our students stop using it. If I have any hope of succeeding, I need your help. I frequently hear “I’m so stressed, I’ll never get all this work done.” Now where do you think they got that idea? How many times a day do we say, “This is way too stressful, I’m so stressed,” “This, or you, is stressing me out.” Stress has become such a topic of conversation and anxiety that there are whole advertising campaigns built on our search for stress-free lives.
Now add this stress thing to a pessimism about the state of the world and what are we telling our children/students? We’re telling them that life in and of itself is a stressful and unhappy experience. But if we approach it only as that, and our issues, concerns, and problems with a pessimistic view, we’re kind of doomed to a terminally sad state. The people of the world have always had problems – big ones, little ones, all sizes. But those problems have always been solved by the optimistic, critically thinking, let’s-just-do-it people. Over time, they have been the ones that recognize that we better make some changes instead of thinking “we can’t possibly.”
So, how about you and I make an agreement? Let’s begin by tamping down the sadness and the pessimism with a more optimistic can-do attitude. In turn, we will be getting rid of some of the stress in our own lives, and, at the same time, giving our students the idea that they, too, can be problem solvers. And what if, while we’re solving said problems, we put on a smile? Can you just imagine? Our children might actually get the idea that it’s fun to problem solve and that they can make a difference. Can’t you just see it?
